


The forbidden secret

by 0Hedvig0



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, During Canon, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Loss, Loss of Control, Love, M/M, Mass Effect 3, Mother-Son Relationship, Not original scenes, POV First Person, POV Male Character, POV Third Person, Rage, Reapers, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Self-Sacrifice, Sorrow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-07 15:58:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11626935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Hedvig0/pseuds/0Hedvig0
Summary: It was meant to keep me hidden, like a forbidden secret that my people didn’t speak of. But then the war of destruction came. The fight between to live or be extinct became the only thing on everyone's mind. The Reepers changed everything, both for my people, but also for me.I was a asari who wasn’t meant to exist. The only male of my kind.This is a story about Na’Meor, the first and only male asari.





	1. The will to survive

**Author's Note:**

> English not my first language so expect typos and laziness (like "cant" without ' )
> 
> Bad at tagging, but they will be added during the storys progress :)
> 
> I hope you will like it! Comments always makes my day! ;D

It was meant to keep me hidden, like a forbidden secret that my people didn’t speak of. I’m a disgrace to our race, that’s something I’ve been told ever since my birth. Never in the asaris lifetime have a male been given life, which brought confusion. Nobody understood why, and 200 years later the knowledge was still as confused as in the beginning. Day and night ever since my first breath, to the words “Worthless” ringing in my ears, I trained to be better. I forced my body to grow so it could protect, my brain didn’t have the knowledge and intelligence as the other of my people and that’s why no one made the effort to educate me. That’s why I wanted to prove with my body and strength. I wanted for them to look at me and say “You are enough”. I wanted the chance to meet _her_. 

They’ve kept me confined to only one room since the day I was born. The only thing keeping me from the deep slumber is the one who gave me life. She who gave me my name and ordered me to be kept alive. A name no one ever spoke of. Nobody was ever granted to visit me. I was only meant to be a whisper between lips, a myth the children were told. And now 200 years later it was the only thing I was. 

I have never seen her since then, but I imagine she is as graceful as she is kind. She has eyes that always when they meet mine is filled with love, just because of me. It’s those eyes I see in my dreams before warm arms embraces me, and just then in that moment everything feels like I am someone. 

200 years have gone by and those dreams is what keeping me from sinking the blade into my throat. It’s the memories from my dreams where she holds me that keeps me sane when nightmares try to drain my life energy. She gives me the will to one day prove myself enough that I for the first time get to see the sky.


	2. #2 the need for improvement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will do anything to show them I can serve and be useful. At the same time something out of the ordinarily occur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English not my first language so expect typos and laziness (like "cant" without ' )
> 
> Bad at tagging, but they will be added during the storys progress :)
> 
> I hope you will like it! Comments and kudos always makes my day! ;D

_May the Goddess bring light when the darkness is too thick to see through. May the Goddess listen to the pray passing my lips for I beg for forgiveness. Forgive me while I’m kneeling before thou, Goddess of love and peace, knowledge and spirit. With me I brought chaos and worry to my people. I pray for thou to bring the light and show me the path made for me, for I have not yet seen it’._

 

A loud bang echoed along the stone walls, then the thick steel doors movement caused my candlelight to flicker. I stayed in kneeling position with my back straight, hands on thighs and eyes closed to show respect to the Goddess jag prayed to.  
“I have brought your lunch, N’Usquam” the same voice as always said with the other name given me. N’Usquam, which also meant _nothing, nowhere to belong._  
When finished with my prayer, I bowed my head before speaking.  
  
“I humbly thanking you, marm” my deep voice was hoarse from not using it while I’m alone.  
  
I raised my head until our eyes gazed into each other and hers instantly widened like every time they met. She was the only face I have ever seen, five minutes a day I got to see that there’s a world beyond this mountain concealing me. That face soothed the feeling inside of me, that I wasn’t alone.  
  
“I have brought you a knew spear as asked for” the voice continued and I once again bowed my head as a thank you.  
  
This time I didn’t raise it but waited until the loud bang sounded again. Locks were turned and I was alone. The pressure was instantly there, making it harder to breath. But I just calmly opened my eyes and gazed into the candles bright light. I focused on its movements, how it twitched while changing color. From brightest white that scorched until you saw dots, to a pleasant orange light dancing around the walls.  
  
I felt more at ease and slowly left the candle to gather the spear she left by the door, then I began building a hunger I didn’t feel yet. My movements had improved since a while back and I desperately searched in my mind a way to continue on the path to get even better. The recent dream I had come to mind and it gave me another idea.  
  
I closed my eyes and willed the memory to come back. Suddenly something threw itself towards me and I gave in to the imagination and barely dodged the attack. Still with closed eyes I avoided to be hit by the unexplained. I needed to improve my reflexes and swirled the spear in my hands to get used to distractions.  
  
“Tzu!” I growled when the black smoke poked me on the shoulder, and without hesitation I reached for my dagger and cut a fitting wound at the place.  
  
I ignored the purple streaking my skin and closed my eyes imagine the black figure trying to get to me.  
  
When harsh breaths left my lips, I settled the hilt on my spear on the ground and leaned against it. Biting pain got me to lower my eyes and examine the wounds on my body. Purple blood was by now dried and I slowly exhaled, while wanting to take a shower I instead lowered myself on the ground taking a meditating position. I needed to get used to the pain. Without someone sparring with me or any real resistance I needed to create it myself and endure the pain. 

 

What felt like hours later I opened my eyes and slowly made my way to the tray with food that now had gone cold. It’s when I lifted the tray I heard something outside the door.  
  
_“Animi, they want us to gather”_ it was a voice I never heard before, it sounded out of breath while muted by the door.  
  
_“Why? What’s so important?”_ I stopped my movements by the voice. Hers I recognize and it made me more eager to know why those two was outside this door that usually never showed any life on the other side.  
  
_“Dr. T’Soni got in touch with us. Something big is happening, you must hurry!”_  
  
_“Oh, okay”_  
  
I continued lifting the tray and slowly made my way to the table while thinking about what have been said between the usual and unusual voice. My thoughts kept on going through the whole meal and into the shower where the clear water was stained by my blood.  
  
The dream that night was me surrounded by darkness where the only thing existing was the echo of their voices. Through the whole night my body ached as if it knew something was going to happen.


	3. #3 the world turns upside down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything starting to wear on him. With new overtaking the old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, I hope you enjoy it! :D  
> Soon I will add my own art in chapters if I have time to get them done ^^,
> 
> Kudos and comments makes my day!

When the darkness continued to be only thing my dreams contains I started to get restless. I haven’t seen her in them since two weeks back when the voices was heard on the other side of the door, and with restlessness came recklessness. My training became stricter and I didn’t allow any mistakes which resulted in more blood staining the water when I showered in the end of the day. 

I usually longed-for sleep, but with the same dream haunting me where the darkness threatened to suffocate me, I forced myself to not close my eyes. To not have dreams where she held me in her arms was fastly shredding me on the inside. To me it wasn’t just dreams. To me they meant so much more. Every time her eyes met mine, even though I never remembered their color or her face I could still feel how my whole body had lifted from darkness and the loneliness disappeared when I woke up. And in the dream when her arms closed around me I always was surrounded by a scent that I guess was her own special, and it always gave me such comfort that tears I refused to give into while awake, fell down on my cheeks leaving my pillow damp. 

But, when I woke up, it didn’t take long for the feelings to go back into my body, leaving me with a heavy pressure over my chest and a sorrow to not feel safe. That’s why when my dreams only were filled with the color black, I first became desperate for sleep and trained until my body gave up and fell asleep. But when she never came back, not even one time in them, I slowly began to dread sleep and started to avoid going to bed. Which slowly showed signs that it was wearing on me, and this day was the same as the others. 

I gave a frustrated growl when the black smoke one more time poked at me while training. Sweat was covering my skin and I felt my throat burn with harsh breaths while my muscles trembled by now. I don’t know how long I have been training, but my focus was failing me and in this pace, I would never prove my worth to serve my people.  
When the black smoke from my imagination poked me for the twentieth time I growled and threw my spear at the wall. The loud sound when the spear bounced at the wall then tumbled down on the floor, drenched my strained breaths and I hunch over to lean my hands against thighs. Pain spread over my skin where cuts painted my blue skin with purple blood. 

I fell down on my knees, closing eyes while trying to get my focus back. 

 

_‘May the Goddess bring light when the darkness is too thick to see through. May the Goddess listen to the pray passing my lips for I beg for forgiveness. Forgive me while I’m kneeling before thou, Goddess of love and peace, knowledge and spirit. With me I brought chaos and worry to my people. I pray for thou to bring the light and show me the path made for me, for I have not yet seen it’.  
_

 

I stopped the prayer and furrowed my brows. She usually interrupted me by now. I listened closely, but nothing was heard. The serenity I usually felt, even if I didn’t like the quietness, now became something that tormented me. 

I slowly opened my eyes and continued listen to whatever sound could be heard. If it wouldn’t have been for my strained breaths I would have thought I’ve lost my hearing, because nothing was heard. 

No one came. 200 years with food delivered to me one time every day, I for the first time showered and went to bed with an empty stomach. 

 

\- 

 

One more day went by with no food. Then another, then another one. When the fourth day came I failed even more at training. My body ached all night long and left me with an uneasy feeling during the day. Without good sleep or food in my body, I dropped my spear and stumbled over my own feet. My energy was falling low, too low and I knew that in one or two days I would start to faint. But without anything to eat I only had water I could drink from my sink, and even if it held my thirst away it wasn’t sustainable. Soon my organs would start to fail and shut down. 

I sat down on the bed and rested my head against hands. A sudden dizziness forced me to stop working out. I couldn’t ignore training my body because I knew someone soon would remember me. Even if I was a burden to everyone else, she wanted me to survive. That’s why I wasn’t worried, even if some part of me told otherwise I pushed it down. _She_ wouldn’t forget me. 

The first thing I felt was vibrations. It came from the ground, faint at first, barely noticeable against my feet. But soon it wandered along my body, and I slowly lifted my head while listening closely. Something felt of, my whole body told me to do run. Seconds after I worded the feeling, it sounded like an explosion was set on the mountain above me. It was so loud it made the ceiling tremble and gravel and dust loosened from it, falling down over me. 

I quickly covered beneath my arms, in case something bigger loosened from the ceiling. 

“What the hell” I mumbled when it stopped raining dirt and lowered my arms to look around. 

The vibrations were still going on and I waggled my toes by the constant feeling while thinking. Then I left my bed and quickly made my way towards the walls and felt along them and when I felt vibrations tingling my fingers, I knew something have to be seriously wrong. Vibrations from the ground has happened before, but not like this, and they usually stopped after seconds. 

 

 _‘Dr. T’Soni got in touch with us. Something big is happening, you must hurry!’  
_

I stiffened by the memory. I didn’t know who this T’Soni was, but with this suddenly going on they have to be connected.  
Another bang sounded, startling me and making another round of dust and stones crumbling down. I walked towards the door to lean my ears against it and then focused to every sound from the other side. Someone must come. If it doesn’t I will soon be buried alive. 

When nothing more than a low humming was heard I slowly straighten myself, staring at the metal surface of the door. 

I didn’t know what I was expecting, and I slowly backed away. My ribs started to hurt from how hard my heart was beating against them, and I tried to understand _why_. Why didn’t someone come? 

Suddenly pain spread through my knees. I had unconsciously fallen down on them and now I stared in front of me. As soon as I had realized, an empty feeling started to take over me, making it hard to breath and my heart ache like it was going to burst. 

 

_‘She has forgotten me’_


	4. #4 Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With his life taking a turn, Na'Meor watch when his new slowly dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Another chapter I hope you like :D
> 
> Follow me on instagram: 0hedvig0  
> There I post my art, that includes art with Na'Meor ;)
> 
> Bye!

_‘I need to get to her. I need to see her. If only she sees me, she will remember’_  
  
Before I knew it, I out of frustration put my fist into the door, giving it a small dent. It was stupid of me, because purple was now splattered on the metal from my cracked knuckles and I could feel a scorching ache begin in them. 

I cradled the hand against my chest while looking around for something to maybe try bend the door open. It probably was a lost cause, but I just couldn’t do nothing. The need to know was too much for me to just sit back and let the mountain be my grave. I need to know why I’m not remembered, what I did to be forgotten. 

The ceiling crumbled a little more, raining dirt and gravel over me by another explosion. This one sounded more muted then the others, but I have noticed that the time between them had shortened. Whatever it is, it is now everywhere. 

My gaze stopped for a moment at the vent, but I quickly reasoned that it was too small for my bulky body and continued looking, where it instead stopped at the metal bar I used to do my pull-ups. It was thick enough and I have nothing to lose. 

It almost took all my strength to pull it down from the ceiling, but with the vibrations surrounding my room helping loosen the foundation, I soon had the bar in my hands.  
With an enormous strength I pushed it into the door gap and gritted my teeth. A growl rumbled deep in my throat when I tried forcing the door to open. 

Droplets of sweat rolled down my forehead before I gave up and tried another place. 

 

  
All night long I pushed and pulled until my whole body ached and muscles trembling. The mountain became more and more unstable for every explosion that sounded from outside. Panic made me try over and over again, and the need to see her almost made me faint by exhaustion. 

When I almost couldn’t breathe because I felt so fatigue, I closed eyes and leaned my forehead against the cool metal surface. But I quickly opened them and stared at the door. Muffled shouts reached my ears and I laid one against the door. 

Shouts and something thrumming made me realize that now was the time to make myself heard. 

“Hey! I’m in here!” I screamed and banged my fists at the door “Please! Open the door!”. 

I desperately swung the metal bar at the door making a loud screeching noise. I screamed and continued swing the bar until dizziness forced me to stop and breathe. 

“Damn hell!” I growled and gave the door another punch, and I grimaced by the searing pain when my knuckles cracked open even more. 

My whole hand felt like it where in flames. I held it close to me and slowly slid my back down the door. The weariness slowly swept through my body, until its grip took over entirely. A headache sting behind my eyes and all I wanted right then was to close my eyes, and when I opened them again, everything would be back to normal. 

I did close my eyes, but for another reason. 

“May the Goddess bring light when the darkness is too thick to see through” I started weak with a dry throat. I swallowed and continued with a stronger voice “May the Goddess listen to the pray passing my lips for I beg for forgiveness. Forgive me while I’m kneeling before thou, Goddess of love and peace, knowledge and spirit”. 

I took a second to breathe. 

“Forgive me for I have failed to keep the promise I made-” words suddenly got stuck in my throat. They wouldn’t go past it anymore, letting my tongue and lips form them. 

I opened my eyes and stared ahead of me, but then I surprised myself. Hearing my voice, with terror and chaos sounding in the background. 

“All I wanted was to show them what you always saw in me. _You_ are the reason I’m here, all I wanted...” My loud strong voice revealed my deepest feelings and desire, that’s why it stopped by the awareness of how thick my throat got. It was something I never felt before. 

Then I whispered, with cracked voice. 

“...was to make you proud” 

With a sigh I leaned my head back against the door. 

That’s when I heard voices and quickly stood and backed away from the door. In this distance they only sounded like an irregular rumbling, like it only was an aftershock. But then something happened that got me to take a step back, crouching down. The door protested when someone pushed it open and a bright light forced me to squint towards it. Then a strange shadow appeared in the light.


	5. #5 New eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When his boots stepped near the door at Thessia, he couldn't predict that the decision to open it would change his life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh here he comes! *Screams internally* :D

“Liara are we near the temple?” Commander Hunter Shepard said and checked the surroundings while waiting for a response from Liara. 

They have been covering the ground for the sniper squad to get back to safety. Or Shepard wouldn’t call it squad, with only one surviving soldier. But she got away and decided to rejoin the others, and seconds ago she confirmed that she survived the short distance. 

“We should access the temple if we can get passed that building” Liara said and pointed at the ruin that once was something beautiful “If I only get a moment then I will find a way” 

Shepard nodded at her and took the unusual moment of peace to reload his rifle, with Garrus at his back doing the same, and Tali beside him who checked Chiquita for errors. The reaper had left the site for now, leaving them with moments to breathe. 

Garrus suddenly poked his shoulder. 

“Shepard, did you hear that?” Shepard first looked at him, then Garrus pointed at something and he followed with his gaze “Listen” Garrus whispered and Shepard did as he said. 

At first, nothing. Only sounds of chaos and terror in the background, making Shepards skin itch with want to move forward so he could end this. Then he stiffened and looked at Garrus who nodded. Shepard turned towards Liara who had been busy with her omni tool to find a way through or around the ruin. 

“Liara, do you know what they keep in there?” Liara lifted her head to look at him, then at where he nodded. She grimaced confused. 

“No, not at all” She said slowly, then hummed ”That’s strange. I have been here lots of times, and never seen that door-” Liara stopped talking and her eyes widened when a voice was heard, coming from that door. 

Shepard couldn’t hear any words, but the voice sounded like it was filled with something. He suddenly recognized the emotion that voice carried. _Sorrow_ , it was filled with sorrow. 

“We need to do something” He said and trudged to the door, where the voice now had stopped. 

“Yeah, but that, doesn’t look like an everyday door” Garrus said while coming near to stand behind him. 

He was right. When Shepard examined it, he could see clear signs that the one behind this door wasn’t trapped, it was purposely being held there. 

“Maybe Chiquita could use her laser to make a hole?” Tali suggested, but Liara shook her head where she stood in front of them. 

“Not possible. This door looks like one of those that must keep what's on the other side locked up” Liara bent down to look at the unusual lock at the door “That’s even stranger. This is something I have never seen before”. 

Shepard stepped up beside her, letting a gloved hand slide across the metal surface. He had never seen any metal like this. It was cold. Not cold like any metal would be. This one chilled his glove, all the way into his skin. It even tingled, like how your skin felt after you made a snowball and thrown it. 

“What do you mean?” Shepard said calmly, even though he felt anxious to stay still this long with war going on and a mission at hand. But he couldn’t leave someone who needed help, and this mountain could collapse in any second. 

Liara glanced up at him then back at the lock, where she got an expression of being powerless to help. 

“I have been everywhere here in Thessia, and I have seen how it evolved” she mumbled “This means that while everything else have been evolving, this lock and door haven’t. That makes it harder to bypass with our modern technology” Liara straighten and sighed deeply. 

“Don’t tell me, that the famous Doctor Liara T’Soni, can’t open a simple door” Garrus said with a taunting and humorous tone. 

Shepard wanted to shake his head, because he knew what Garrus were doing with her. But Garrus got the reaction he wanted, Liara glared at him, so Shepard were happy. 

“I didn’t say anything like that. I only stated the fact” She said and immediately started working on her omni tool, not aware of the smiles Garrus, Tali and Shepard shared with each other. 

Shepard turned his attention towards the door. What, or _who_ , can possible be on the other side that the asari wants to keep hidden so badly. He didn’t really know what to expect, but if it were to be someone bad they have the upper hand. With Liaras biotic and Talis talents they should be able to confront the one who was on the other side. And sure, that Garrus decided to tag along was something positive too. 

“There you go, it is done” Liara suddenly said and brought Shepards attention back to her. 

Garrus chuckled. 

“See, that wasn’t so hard” he said, but then put a hand on Liara’s shoulder and mumbled softly “Good work, Liara” which gave her a smile on her lips. 

“Thank you, Garrus” she said back, with a soft and warm voice even if they all knew what kind of feelings Liara was going through right now, with Thessia falling around her. 

Shepard clasped the rifle on his back. 

“Well then, let's see who wants to meet us” He said cheerfully and lifted the heavy metal pole that barred the door. He let out a strained breath “Wooh, it wasn’t as heavy as I thought” he lied, straightening his back. 

Garrus snorted with a quiet “Show off” then stepped forward and pushed the door, who even if it protested loudly gave away easily and swung open. 

They all stiffened when it revealed a blue figure that crouched while cowering hands before eyes. 

“Oh by the Goddess” Liara whispered behind him while Garrus backed away until he stood beside her, and Shepard himself couldn’t grasp what he saw. 

His gaze slowly wandered along the blue skin down to the green army pants, then stopped att the long red hair. It was an asari, he could figure out that one easily, but this one wasn’t like any other asari he has seen before.


	6. #6 One glance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His dying new life, get new hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Na'Meor and his POV :D  
> Hope you like it!
> 
> Your kudos made my day!
> 
> Na'Meor art is available on my instagram : 0hedvig0

I didn’t feel anything that could be described as fear, that wouldn’t be honorable. Staring with the bright light covering my face, I instead straighten myself before the strange shadow, making myself show of height and body muscle. Then I gave it cold eyes. 

“Make way, or I will force you” I said with my deep voice and tried to keep it clear, but was failing because it was too sore. 

The shadow moved and in pure instinct I reached and grabbed my spear. 

“No one will keep me from my Goddess” I growled and took a fighting stance. The spear’s edge sparkled with white energy while I glared at the shadow who had stopped by my movement. 

“Ay ontd aenm yna ramh” a surprisingly soft voice said, and even if I didn’t understand what it said, it took me by surprise. I could feel my body react to it, become more relaxed. 

But I quickly collected myself and pointed the spear against the shadow. 

“I said, move away!” I tried again, that’s when I found myself to be surprised one more time. Another shadow appeared, one I easily recognized. An asari. 

“Don’t be afraid, we want you no harm” a female voice said, but I didn’t move. I still pointed the spear at them. 

“Who are you?” I snarled, but the asari didn’t even seem startled by it. 

“My name is Doctor Liara T’Soni” she continued with a calm voice, as if she didn’t hear my threatening voice. But as soon as I heard her name I stopped listening to what she said after that. 

 

_‘Dr. T’Soni got in touch with us. Something big is happening, you must hurry!’  
_

That name meant something important to my people, which means that this asari is someone I should respect. I felt myself staring at her shadow, but then I was reminded of how I behaved towards someone superior. Quickly I lowered the spear and bowed my head.  
“I’m sorry for my behavior, Dr. T’Soni” I mumbled, ashamed that I already have made a fool over myself. 

Steps neared until I saw cladded feet's in front of me. The armor looked more advanced than the one asari delivering food, which gave away how important this Dr. T’Soni really has to be. 

“That’s alright, no harm done” her voice felt warm, a strong contrast to what happened around us. 

The chaos wasn’t only a rumble any longer. I could feel the stench biting in my nose, almost making me queasy. The air I was now breathing wasn’t fresh, it was filled with smoke coming from different places, and you could almost taste the despair every scream held. 

I were pulled back by her voice, Dr. T’Soni, and I tried to recall what she said, but came up with nothing. So, I said nothing. 

“What is your name?” she then repeated. 

“My name is Na’M- I mean, N’Usquam, mam” I quickly corrected myself and straighten so I could see the face belonging to the name, and my eyes widened by the beauty she held. But I averted my gaze when hers widened too. 

I heard someone snort behind Dr. T’Soni with a quiet “Mam? Eh cllade Liara mam?”, then a soft 'thunk' and another female voice “Qutie, Arrgus”. My eyes lingered at some rubble while the strange voices continued mumbling. 

“N’Usquam? That is your name?” Dr. T’Soni repeated my name, and I nodded with my gaze still turned away. 

“That is what they call me” I said quietly. 

“Then, what is your real name?” Her tone sounded strict and I found myself bowing my head by it. 

“Not important, mam” I answered instead, and before she could convince me to confess I -now when I finally were free- remembered my mission. I lifted my head to meet her eyes “Can you tell me where I can find the leader?” 

Dr. T’Soni made a confused face. 

“The leader?” she said and I nodded. 

“That is the one I need to see, can you please point me the direction?” 

“Liara” a sudden voice said, making me look over Dr.T’Sonis shoulder “M’I yrros, utb ew deen to get igong”. 

I was struck once again by surprise, but this time it was because of a strange face. It wasn’t blue. It wasn’t anything like me or any asari I’ve ever seen, and I felt a sudden curiosity towards it. 

"I know, Shepard" Dr. T'Soni said, like she could understand it and the strange sounds it made. 

I quickly shook my head to clear it and gave Dr. T’Soni a look. 

“Please help me, I need to get there” I pleaded as much as I could without feeling like a disgrace. 

Dr. T’Soni turned her head to look over her shoulder towards the strange figure, but this time I held my gaze at the doctor. I couldn’t risk to get unfocused, or feel that kind of forbidden curiosity again. 

“Okay” Dr. T’Soni sighed and looked at me, then pointed at a building behind some fallen ones. 

I nodded with a "Thank you, mam" then started walking. 

When I passed the stranger- not noticing the rest of them following me with their gazes- my steps faltered. I quickly glanced down at its eyes, a color of light blue meeting mine. Although it wasn’t even a second, it felt like hours. They drew me in. I could feel a deep sorrow and burden passing over to me, and it was like they held the universe in them. But there was also something... _more_. 

It felt like hours until I tore my eyes away, but then I took off without a second glance at it. I did like I’ve trained so many times and jumped, swirling in the air. In a second black smoke covered me, and when it disappeared in the wind, I knew it was like I didn’t exist anymore. 

Loud noises, screams in pain. Explosions. Everything surrounded me as I sprinted. I needed to be a warrior, a soldier to my people. But in 200 years I have been locked up, not able to get the knowledge about anything like this. It almost became too much for me to bear, and my steps faltered once again. 

Loud screeching sounds. Red light coloring the sky. Blood covering the ground. Black smoke, bullet holes. My sensitive ears felt like they were bleeding by now. 

Suddenly my body adapted towards everything. My steps became stronger. The sounds tearing my ears apart, they became bearable to me, and when everything cleared in my mind I remembered my mission. A newfound energy sparked within me because of my need to stay strong. 

Dr. T’Soni gave me the chance to earn the right to be by I _her_ side. That means there’s no time for me to get distracted, or fall into panic. 

_‘I need to find her!’_


	7. #7 Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is always trying to do anything to keep his friends alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys!  
> I'm soooo enjoying writing this story, hope you doing it as a reader! :D  
> Right now the story will continue like it's a "to be continue..."- story (if you know what I mean ;P). But soon I will cut in some "in between mission"-parts, and "jump" too give it some more life, and to keep it from going on to long and getting boring. And also I'm never going to write stuff that's in the game, like I'm repeating the game, but instead writing my own stuff that happens between those scenes and stuff like that.
> 
> Yeah yeah, now we're going back to Shepard's POV :D

#7 Sacrifice 

Shepard jumped back when the guy turned into smoke. He stared at the place where the asari disappeared, before turning to the others. 

“Woah! Did you see that? I have never seen a asari do that!” 

Liara met his eyes, hers twinkling with excitement. 

“Shepard, that was a male” her tone was calm and it didn’t fit what he saw in her eyes. Which kind of made sense, because Liara is one of a kind.  
Shepard nodded at that. 

“Yeah, Liara” he said slowly “the body gave a clear picture that he wasn’t a woman” that’s when he took a quick step back, because Liara suddenly stood in front of him. 

“No, I don’t think you understand Shepard” She said more excitedly then gave him a look and explained like he was a child “That asari was a _man_. How many _manly_ asari have you seen in your lifetime?” 

Shepard opened his mouth, but then stopped when he realized. 

“Oh” he breathed and Liara gave him a smile. 

He turned his gaze towards the same place where the asari disappeared, and felt a shiver run through his body when remembering the green emerald eyes. They had gazed into his like they could see his very soul. 

Garrus stepped up to them. 

“But _why_ , put him behind that door?” he mumbled, Shepard turned to look at him while trying to concentrate on anything than the memory of those eyes. 

“And why keep it a secret?” Tali pitched in and met Garrus eyes who nodded. 

“Exactly, and it didn’t -” Garrus began, but they all was startled by an explosion nearby and quickly grabbed their weapons. 

“I think guys” Shepard suddenly feeling more focused at the present than ever, raised his voice to be heard over the new chaos “This is something we have to take on the Normandy. Let's go!” he nodded towards where the explosion sounded. Husks was by now pouring through the hole it made. 

 

\- 

 

“Liara! Where. Is. The. Temple!” Shepard yelled and put a bullet through a husk that nearly grabbed him. 

He almost couldn’t breathe. Adrenaline pumped within his body when bullet after bullet took husks down. They were too many. There’re everywhere and his ammo stash were soon to be empty. 

“Liara! Tempel! NOW!” He ordered while trying to reload quickly, but it took too long. 

In a quick reflex he was forced to instead slam down his hilt, crushing one husks head. But he did the mistake to not notice the one behind it, and when it lunged at him, he fell down. He landed hard on the ground, pushing the air out of his lungs. And before he knew it, the husk was fiercely slashing at him. His hand fumbled to reach the gun, but didn’t need to, because the husks head suddenly exploded over him, spraying him with green fluid. 

“Thought you needed some help” Garrus huffed and reached down towards Shepard. 

Shepard grabbed his hand and felt himself being lifted. 

“Yeah, thanks” He said and reloaded while Garrus covered him “We need to get the hell out of here, they are too many!” 

Garrus agreed, nodding, but then stiffened. 

“But where are the girls?” he said, like he now realized they weren’t by their side. 

Shepard raised his head and searched the surroundings while taking down as many husk's as he could. That’s when he saw Tali and Liara being cornered. 

“Fuck!” He growled and pushed forward, running while grabbing his gun then shooting at whatever enemy that got in his way. 

With every bit of energy left, Shepard slammed into the husks to get to Liara and Tali. Liara took the chance he gave and used her biotics, summoning singularity to clear a way. Garrus and Tali effectively took down the husks floating in the air, then they all quickly made their way and ran where Liara was leading them. 

“Down this road, and we should be safe” Liara said, panting. 

But everything went to crap when they rounded the corner. Husks, but also marauder and cannibals where blocking their way, forcing them to take cover before being seen. 

Shepard lowered himself behind some rubble, the others followed suite. 

“What do we do?” Tali whispered quickly and looked at Shepard. 

Garrus who heard the panic in her voice, laid his arms around Tali’s shoulders, squeezing softly. Their eyes met in a quick reasuring. 

“Is there any other way, Liara?” Shepard said in a quiet mumbled, turning away from Talis and Garrus to give them a moment. Liara shook her head. 

“No, with the Thessia falling apart. I- I can’t think of any other way” Her voice was distant. Shepard quickly laid a hand over hers, where he could feel how she was trembling. 

The memory of green emerald eyes suddenly appeared in his mind, and that’s when he got the feeling. He has had enough. 

He looked at Garrus and Tali with determination. 

“Garrus, get to the highest point, focus on the marauders. Tali get Chiquita ready to give a distraction so they don’t focus on Garrus. Liara” He turned to the asari, who by her name met his eyes “You need to focus. _We_ need you right now. Okay?” He held his voice firm, but soft. 

Liara nodded and the despair that before were filled in her eyes, turned into the same determination he had. 

“Yes, yes, I can do that” she said confident, and Shepard gave her hand a squeeze. 

“Then you give us back up with your biotics. And I, I will kill whoever I can reach” he growled and grabbed his rifle “Let’s do this people”  
They all gave each other a look, then got into positions. 

 

\- 

 

“Tali! Chiquita needs a new shield! Garrus get that Cannibal, it has its eyes on Liara!” Shepard yelled and fired the rifle, then turned in a swift motion and with the other hand put the gun at a husks head, pulling the trigger. Green splashed over his visor, making it harder to see. 

He saw movements meters away and ducked behind cover just in time, a marauder had seen him and were now spraying at his cover with bullets. Quickly he brushed his gloved hand over the visor to see better, then worked his rifle and gun to reload them. But as he reached back, he didn’t feel anything there. 

He cursed quietly and hurried to count the bullets he had in the clips, then breathed a quick “dammit” when there were fewer bullets than he’d hoped for. 

He sighed then glanced at the others. They were right now in safe distance, shooting to cover him, but it wouldn’t last long if the enemy got any more chances to push forward. Then he took a risk and lifted his head to see over the edge. 

With only ten bullets left in each clip, he needed to make everyone count, and there is at least thirty of the enemy out there. 

“If I get closer, then I may get some of them down” he mumbled to himself, and without giving it a second thought, Shepard made a run for it. 

“Shepard, what are you doing?!” he heard Garrus over the com. 

“No, don’t do it!” Tali begged. 

“Get to the temple!” Shepard said while sprinting “find another way, keep each other safe!” 

“Please Shepard!” Liara's voice said, but Shepard couldn’t listen to any of them. He needed to get them out of here. Even if it meant to sacrifice himself. 

“I am your Commander; my job is to get you out of here alive!” he said and aimed his gun “I order you to get the hell out of here!” 

One shot, second shot. He slid behind cover. Third, fourth, fifth. He continued firing bullets until they all were out. All of them hit a target, giving the air more stench of death. 

He was panting behind a wall, hearing something nearing his spot. While thinking of his friends, Shepard closed his eyes and listened to the steps getting closer. If he was going out this time -once and for all- then it wouldn’t be because of he was suffocated like nothing, thinking about nothing but dying and not having the ability to breathe. No, this time it would be because he was keeping his friends alive, dying while thinking about them. 

He counted to ten before stepping out. A marauder met his eyes, its rifle ready to shoot. Shepard quickly raised his dagger, ready to make his move. When suddenly thin smoke surrounded the marauder. Blue skin flickered beside it until Shepard saw the male asari stand behind the marauder, dagger ready. And before he knew it, the dagger slit the throat of the marauder. A second later, the asari was gone. Only smoke where he stood and Shepard desperately tried to follow where he’d gone. But it was like he wasn’t even there anymore. 

Then enemy after enemy started to fall down, and Shepard could only watch while it happened. The black smoke danced around in the air, but quickly disappeared and then reappeared with the male asari by another enemy. It continued until there was no enemy left alive, and the asari stood panting with dagger in hand, staring in front of him at nothing. The face was drenched in sweat, and didn’t show any emotion. It was like he was empty inside. And the sight of it filled Shepard with a feeling like it was all wrong. 

Shepard suddenly got a strong urge to comfort the other male, and lowered his dagger to slowly make his way over to him. He stopped a few steps in front of him, and now Shepard could see how the blue skin were covered with blood, purple and green. But it didn’t look like he was badly hurt. 

“Hey” Shepard said softly, bringing the asari out of the trance were the green eyes met his “It’s okay, you took them all down”. 

A dagger at his throat, and green eyes filled with hatred was suddenly right in front of his own.


	8. #8 Rage. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all just a dream... an awful dream. It has to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Now we continue with Na'Meors POV and I hope you really like it :D Please let me know if you do!

Something crunched beneath my feet when I sneaked further into another room, but I held my eyes steady at the surroundings. It was too quiet for my liking, with only the sounds coming from outside showing that life existed. I had expected asaris by the door's I gone through, and stairs I climbed. But nothing, not even one soldier keeping the building safe. 

I pushed another door at the end of another stairway. It creaked while it slowly opened and I glanced into the room before taking a step. I believed it would be like the other rooms I passed. I believed anything else than _that_. I stopped, feeling my eyes widened and a shiver run through my body. At first, I hesitated, but then slowly I made my way inside the last room in the tower. 

I tried to keep me from holding my breath. Bodies lay everywhere on the floor, blackened by smoke from the explosion that took half the rooms roof and walls down. 

I tried to keep my body steady. No life existed in this room, only mine. And when my eyes wandered around the different faces, that's when I saw _her_. The body laid only a couple of meters from me, eyes staring at nothing, filled with nothing. 

I opened my mouth, but the only thing coming out was something low, destroyed sound. For 200 years I have longed to see her again, prayed to her day after day. My dreams were filled with the image of her, holding me in her arms and without any words she gave me the strength to keep breathing. Her faceless body was no longer that, and I found myself staring at the one face I haven't seen since the day she gave me life. Even so I knew that it was _her_ , she was the one in my dreams and it was like someone sliced me open. I was bleeding without any blood. I was dying with my heart still beating. 

Like something made out of stone, I stared at the body drained of life. My own face felt wet, it was rolling down my cheeks and it felt so hard to breathe. 

 

\- 

 

I need them dead. Rage was consuming me and I can’t take it anymore, having them breathe the same air as me. One by one, I will take them down until there’s only my heart left that’s beating. No more asari blood will be spilt while I’m here. 

I pushed forward and rapidly neared the gunfire that first drew my attention. It was the sudden sound of bullets that startled me out of my trance when I stared at the body in the building Dr. T’Soni pointed me to. And now I ran towards it with blood boiling within me. 

I heard shouting and I thought I recognized one of the voices, but then I suddenly came to a stop by the edge of some ruin. And looking down I saw the chaos. Bullets flying wild, and I clenched my fists with my vision almost going black. Then I drew my dagger, smoke covering me. And I jumped. 

_‘They will pay’_

 

All went in a blur -my dagger slashing through the ones who were responsible- and suddenly I stood with my dagger pressed against someone's throat. I shook by rage and exhaustion with blood covering my blue skin. But what stopped me from drawing blood, was what I glimpsed through the helmet the figure had. Light blue eyes.


End file.
